Practical ways to listen, reassure, and gently equip children to handle the small storms of school life.
Worries about school are one of the most common topics in family kitchens up and down the country. A child may dread a spelling test, feel anxious about a friendship, or simply struggle with the unstructured noise of the playground. These worries are usually small in the grand scheme of childhood, but to the child holding them, they can feel enormous. The way parents respond in those moments shapes how children learn to handle difficulty for the rest of their lives.
Start with Listening, Not Solving
When a child says “I don’t want to go to school tomorrow,” the instinct of most parents is to leap into problem solving mode. Yet the most powerful response is often the simplest one: a calm “Tell me more.” Children who feel genuinely heard tend to share more than children who feel they are being managed. Listening also buys time, allowing parents to understand whether a worry is about a specific event or a deeper, more persistent feeling.
Name the Feeling
Young children are still building the vocabulary they need for their inner world. Helping them to name what they are feeling, whether that is nervous, embarrassed, frustrated, or simply tired, is a gift that will serve them for life. A simple phrase such as “It sounds like you were feeling left out at break” can be transformative. The child feels understood, and the worry begins to lose some of its power.
Small Habits That Help
Routines have a quiet, steadying effect on anxious children. A few habits worth building include:
• A predictable bedtime, with a wind-down period free of screens.
• A relaxed morning routine, with bags packed the night before.
• A short, daily check-in question that is not “How was school?” Try “What was the funniest thing today?” or “Who did you sit with at lunch?”
• A weekly moment of slowness: a Sunday walk, a quiet bake, an unhurried breakfast.
Avoid Magnifying the Worry
Parents naturally want to protect their children, but visible anxiety in adults often amplifies a child’s own concerns. If a parent reacts to a small worry with alarm, the child learns that the worry was indeed alarming. A warm, calm response, even when the parent feels worried inside, tells the child that the situation is manageable.
Work with the School
Most teachers welcome a quiet email or a brief word at the gate when a child is going through a tricky patch. Schools that take pastoral care seriously have a network of staff trained to support children’s emotional wellbeing. Choosing a school with strong pastoral foundations makes an enormous difference for families navigating the small worries that come with growing up.
Build a Toolkit Together
Older children, particularly those aged nine and up, benefit from having a small set of strategies they can use when worry arrives. These might include slow breathing, drawing the worry on paper and tearing it up, writing in a notebook, or imagining a favourite calm place. Building this toolkit together, rather than handing it to the child fully formed, gives them a sense of agency.
When to Seek More Support
Most school worries pass with time, listening, and gentle reassurance. However, parents should consider seeking additional support if a worry lasts more than a few weeks, interferes with sleep or appetite, or causes the child to refuse school altogether. A conversation with the class teacher is usually the right first step. The family GP, school counsellor, or a charity such as YoungMinds can also offer guidance.
The Long View
Childhood worries are not a sign that something has gone wrong. They are a normal part of growing up, and they offer rich opportunities for children to develop resilience under the guidance of trusted adults. Bowdon Prep School is one example of a setting in which children are given the time, space, and care to grow into confident learners, and more information is available at https://www.bowdonprep.org.uk/. With patience and a warm ear, the worries of childhood become some of the most valuable lessons of all.
About the Author
Bowdon Preparatory School for Girls. Bowdon Prep is an independent preparatory school for girls aged three to eleven, located in the heart of Cheshire. The school is known for its happy, nurturing environment and its emphasis on building confident, articulate, and curious young learners. Prospective families can find out more at https://www.bowdonprep.org.uk/.
